Homer:  Bart!
Marge:         Go to your room.
Bart:                            Yeah, right.

        Well, you're damned if you do,
        (What are we talking about?)
        Well, you're damned if you do,
        (Where's your sense of humour?)
        Well, you're damned if you do,
        And you're damned if you don't.

Homer:  Bart!

Bart:   Let me start at the start, then take it away.
        My name is Simpson, Bartholemew J.
        That's Bart, with an art, and a capital B,
        Then Simp, plus S-O-N, that's me!

        Introductions aside, let's move right along,
        You can all sing along at the sound of the gong.
(Sound of the gong)
        Once upon a time, about a week ago,
        All of a sudden, trouble started to grow.
        Alarm was buzzin', I was snoozin',
        S'posed to get up now, but I was refusin'
        To let reality become an intrusion,
        'Cause in dreamy-dream land, I was cruisin'.
        But the buzz kept buzzin', my head kept buzzin'.
        Gave the radio a throw, and heard an explosion.
(Homer: D'oh!)
        Opened up my eyes, and to my surprise,
        There stood Homer, and his temperature risin'.
        I was chillin', he was yellin',
        Face all distorted, 'cause he was propellin'.
        It wasn't what he said, but more of his tone,
        The usual jive, put your nose to the grindstone.
        I said "I'm real sorry" but that didn't cut it,
        I started to protest, but Dad said
Homer:                                     Shut it.
        Get up.  Mow the lawn.  Move it.  On the double.
        'Cause if you don't, you're in deep, deep trouble.

Back:   Trouble.
        Deep, deep trouble.
        Run into trouble.
Bart:   Where's your sense of humour, man?
Back:   Deep, deep trouble.
        And they go a little something like this.

Bart:   So I'm in the front yard, mowin' like crazy,
        Sweatin' like a pig and the sun is blazing.
        Homer's in the driveway, getting in the car,
        With Mom and Lisa, hope they're going real far.
        The dad yells
Homer:                Bart
Bart:                      and I go Yo
        He goes
Homer:          You done yet?
Bart:                         and I go No.
        So he goes
Homer:             Oh!  You're too slow.
Bart:   So I step on the gas, to speed up the mow.
        Didn't see that sprinkler underneath that tree,
        Wham!  Ccchhh!  Pssshh!  Raining on me!
        I go Whoa, Homer goes
Homer:                        D'oh!
        Now you can't go to the boatshow.

Bart:   This is my thanks after working my butt off?
        Homer revs the motor and they all start to putt off.
        Soaked to the bone, standing in a puddle,
        No-one needs to tell me I'm in deep, deep trouble.

Back:   Trouble.
Marge:            Go to your room.
Homer:                              Bart!
Bart:                                      Yeah, right.
Marge:                                                   Bart, go to your
room.
Back:   Deep, deep trouble.
Marge:                       Go to your room.
Homer:                                         Bart!
Bart:                                                 Oh, gimme a break.
Back:   The young begins the trouble.
Bart:                                  Well, you're damned if you do,
        I know the answer.     Well, you're damned if you do,
Back:   Deep, deep trouble.
Bart:                        Well, you're damned if you do,
        And you're damned if you don't.

        As soon as they're gone, I'm stretched on the lawn,
        Lookin' at the sky with my sunshades on.
        Now I've never ever claimed that I was a smarty,
        But inspiration hits me, lets have a party.

        Called up my posse, they were here in a flash,
        They brought all their pals, we started to thrash.
        There was romping and stomping, an occasional crash,
        A fist fight or two, and Nintendo for cash.

        We raided the fridge, dogs raided the trash,
        I got a little worried when the windows got smashed.
        The next thing you know, Mom and Dad are home,
        The kids disappear and I'm all alone.

        Everything's silent except for my moan,
        And the low, bluesy tone of a saxophone.
        They look at me, then they go into a huddle.
        Get this sinking sensation I'm in deep, deep trouble.

Back:   Trouble.
Homer:            D'oh.
Marge:                   Oh.
Homer:                        Bart!
Bart:                                Oh, gimme a break.
Back:   Deep, deep trouble.
Homer:                       Hey.  What is this?
Back:   Don't keep trouble.
Marge:                       Go to your room.
Lisa:                                          Oh yeah.
Marge:                                                   Bart, go to your
room.
Back:   Deep, deep trouble.
Marge:                       Go to your room.
Bart:                                          Okey, dokey.
Homer:                                                       Bart!

Bart:   There's a little epilogue to my tale of sadness.
        I was dragged down the street by his Royal Dadness.
        We rounded the corner and came to a stop,
        Threw me inside Jake's Barber Shop.

        I said, Please Sir, just a little off the top.
        Dude shaved me bare, gave me a lollipop.
        So on my head, there's nothing but stubble.
        Man, I hate being in deep, deep trouble.

Back:   Trouble.
Bart:             Well, you're damned if you do,
Back:                                             Trouble! Trouble!
Bart:   Well, you're damned if you do,
Back:   Deep, deep trouble.
Bart:                        Well, you're damned if you do,
        and you're damned if you don't.
Back:   Nothing but trouble.
Bart:                         Aw, come on, man.
                                                 Well, you're damned if
you do,
        (What are we talking about?)  Well, you're damned if you do,
Back:   Deep, deep trouble.
Bart:                        (Where's your sense of humour?)
        Well, you're damned if you do, and you're damned if you don't.
Back:   Trouble.
        Deep, deep trouble.
Bart:                        Ha ha ha, ha ha.
Back:   Deep, deep trouble.

Homer:  Bart.  Bart.  Bart.   *smash*  BART!
Bart:   I didn't do it.  Nobody saw me do it.  You can't prove anything.

Bart:   Yo!  Hey, what's happening, dude?
        I'm the guy with the rep for being rude.
        Terrorizing people wherever I go,
        It's not intentional, just keepin' the flow.

        Fixin' test scores to get the best scores.
        Droppin' banana peels all over the floor.
        I'm the kid that made delinquency an art;
        Last name Simpson, first name Bart.

        I'm here today to introduce the next phase,
        The next step in the big Bart craze.
        I've got a dance real easy to do;
        I learned it with no rhythm, and so can you.

        So move your body if you've got the notion,
        Front to back in a rock-like motion.
        Now that you've got it, if you think you can,
        Do it to the music -- that's the Bartman.

Back:   Everybody, if you can, do the Bartman.
Bart:                                           Whoa!
Back:   Shake your body, turn it out if you can, man.
Bart:                                           Shake it out, man!
Back:   Front to the back, to the side if you can, can.
Bart:                                           Bartman!
Back:   Everybody in the house do the Bartman.
Bart:                                           Uh-huh.
Back:   Everybody, if you can, do the Bartman.
Bart:
Back:   Shake your body, turn it out if you can, man.
Bart:                                           Whoa, mama!
Back:   Front to the back, to the side if you can, can.
Bart:                                           Whoa.
Back:   Everybody in the house do the Bartman.

Bart:   It wasn't long ago, just a couple of weeks,
        I got in trouble, yeah, pretty deep.
        Homer was yellin',
Homer:                      BART!
Bart:                              Mom was too,
        Because I put mothballs in the beef stew.

        Punishment time, in the air lurks gloom,
        Sitting by myself, confined to my room.
        When all else fails, nothin' else left to do,
        I turn on the music, so I can feel the groove.

Back:   Move your body, if you've got the notion.
Bart:                           Whoa, I'm feelin' the groove now, baby!
Back:   Front to back in a rock-like motion.
Bart:                           Bring it back, whoa!
Back:   Move you hips from side to side now.
Bart:                           Do the Bartman!
Back:   Don't ya slip, let your feet glide now.
Bart:                           Whoa, Lisa.  Ha!
Back:   If ya got the groove, ya gotta use it.
Bart:                           Ha, ha ha!
Back:   Light rhythm in time with the music.
Bart:                           Ha, haha.  Check it out, man.
Back:   You just might start a chain reaction.
Bart:   If you can do the Bart, you're bad like Michael Jackson.

Back:   Everybody, if you can, do the Bartman.
Bart:                                           Oh, yeah!
Back:   Shake your body, turn it out if you can, man.
Bart:                                           Shake yo body!
Back:   Front to the back, to the side if you can, can.
Bart:                                           Huhp!
Back:   Everybody in the house do the Bartman.
Bart:                                           Yeah, do the Bartman.
Back:   Everybody, if you can, do the Bartman.
Bart:   Everybody,     yeah,   do the Bartman.
Back:   Shake your body, turn it out if you can, man.
Bart:                                           Shake it out.
Back:   Front to the back, to the side if you can, can.
Bart:           Whoa, mama.
Back:   Everybody in the house do the Bartman.
Bart:   I'm bad,               I'm bad!

Back:   Do the Bartman.
Bart:                   Do the Bartman!
        Everybody back and forth, from side to side.
Back:   Do the Bartman.
Bart:                   Do the Bartman!
        Pick your feet up off the floor, let 'em glide!
Back:   Do the Bartman.
Bart:                   Do the Bartman!
        She can do it, he can do it, so can I.
Back:   Do the Bartman.
Bart:                   Do the Bartman!
        Now here's a dance beat that you can't deny.

Homer:  Turn it down!  Will you stop that infernal racket?!
Back:   DO THE BARTMAN!!!

(Lisa plays saxophone)

Bart:   Oh, my ears!  Lisa!  Put that saxophone away!
        You can't touch this.        *clatter*
        I didn't do it.  Nobody saw me do it.  You can't prove anything.

        Oop!

        Now I'm in the house, feeling good to be home,
        Till Lisa starts blowing that damn saxophone.
        And if it was mine, you know they'd take it away,
        But still I'm feeling good, so that's okay.

        I'm up in my room, just a singin' a song,
        Listen to the kick drum, kickin' along.
        Yeah Lisa likes jazz; she's their number one fan,
        But I know I'm bad, 'cause I do the Bartman.

Back:   Everybody, if you can, do the Bartman.
Bart:                                           Hey, everybody!
Back:   Shake your body, turn it out if you can, man.
Bart:                                           Need I remind you?
Back:   Front to the back, to the side if you can, can.
Bart:                                           Ooh, I am Bart, Bart-man.
Back:   Everybody in the house do the Bartman.
Bart:                                           Huh.  Shake it out.

Back:   Do the Bartman.
Bart:                   Do the Bartman!
        Everybody back and forth, from side to side.
Back:   Do the Bartman.
Bart:                   Do the Bartman!
        She can do it, he can do it, so can I.

Back:   Move your body, if you've got the notion.
Bart:                                           Move it.
Back:   Front to back in a rock-like motion.
Bart:                                           Swing it!
Back:   Move you hips from side to side now.
        Don't ya slip, let your feet glide now.
        If ya got the groove, ya gotta use it.
Bart:   Dooby, dooby, dooby, dooby doo wop bop bop!
Back:   Light rhythm in time with the music.
Bart:   Dabba doo,        dabba doo,        dab it!
Back:   You just might start a chain reaction.
Bart:   Dabba  dab     doo dab
        Hee, hee, hee.  I'm a Bartman.

Back:   Everybody, if you can, do the Bartman.
Bart:                                   Swing it, baby.
Back:   Shake your body, turn it out if you can, man.
Bart:                                   Hoo-uh.
Back:   Front to the back, to the side if you can, can.
Bart:                                   Oh yeah.  I'm bad.  Real bad.
Back:   Everybody in the house do the Bartman.
Bart:                                   Whoa, mama.

Back:   Everybody, if you can, do the Bartman.
Bart:                                   Do the Bartman.
Back:   Shake your body, turn it out if you can, man.
        Front to the back, to the side if you can, can.
Bart:                   Ha, ha!
Back:   Everybody in the house do the Bartman.
Bart:                   Oh yeah!

Back:   Do the Bartman.

Back:   Move your body, if you've got the notion.
Bart:                           You call that dancing?  Ha!
Back:   Front to back in a rock-like motion.
                                (Do the Bartman)
Bart:                           Watch this move.
Back:   Move you hips from side to side now.
                                (Everybody in the house do the Bartman)
Bart:                           Ooh, uh uh, uh, ai ai.  Yeah!
Back:   Don't ya slip, let your feet glide now.
                                (Do the Bartman)
        If ya got the groove, ya gotta use it.
Bart:                           Ha, ha ha!  Swing it!
Back:   Jack your body in time with the music.
        You just might start a chain reaction.
Bart:                           Eat your heart out, Michael!  Woop!
Back:   Everybody in the house do the Bartman.
        Do the Bartman.

Homer:  YOU'RE GROUNDED!!
Bart:                      Oh, wow, man.